Visualize a pain that felt like a deep cut, a sting, and a shake in your nervous system.
Like you are being pushed into a corner where the only choice is to remove yourself,
so they don't have to face the discomfort of rejecting you.

An awful loop is created:

that you are not chosen, again.
but you are also not released.
that you left carrying two burdens---hurt and responsibility

It makes total sense why the misery feels like have no end.
Because you are being made the "villain" in your own heartbreak story,
even if all you did was show up with honesty
even if all you did was show them a love you carry

How come a person who born to be a lover, forced to be the one who got away?